


theory and practice

by verity



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, Mpreg
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2011-09-26
Updated: 2011-09-26
Packaged: 2017-10-24 01:36:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,001
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/257426
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/verity/pseuds/verity
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Snape is the victim of Peeves's last prank. Healer Midwife Hermione Granger is on the case. Told in drabbles.</p>
            </blockquote>





	theory and practice

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Snickfic](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Snickfic/gifts), [lutamira](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lutamira/gifts).



> Thanks/blame to lutamira, snickfic, rdf, in reverse chronological order. Blame-free thanks to clio_jlh for listening to me ramble about this over delicious Italian pastries and hot chocolate on Friday night.

Severus threw an arm over his face to block out the sudden light. For once, he'd been sleeping soundly. Ah, well. In his experience, most good things came to a swift and terrible end.

"I've had it!" Minerva was Headmistress, but really. He needed to do something about those wards. "I just can't go on like this anymore."

Against his better judgment, Severus squinted between his fingers. Minerva was fully dressed, but holding something that looked suspiciously like frilly pink knickers. He closed his eyes again.

"Peeves," she said. "Peeves has got to go."

-

"There are potions, I understand," Minerva said to him the next morning over breakfast. She was very chipper for someone who'd been up most of the night. Severus suspected it was fueled by murderous rage.

"For repelling poltergeists?" He stared into his eggs. "Yes. Have you and Filius exhausted Charms already?"

"Peeves has been in the castle for three hundred years and spellwork has never affected him. Filius and I have tried Wards of Repulsion, Dispelling Hexes, Runic Binding, etcetera, with predictable results."

Severus prodded one yolk with a fork until it began to ooze onto the adjacent toast. "I see," he said.

-

In retrospect, Peeves's behavior was easy to predict. In the weeks it took Severus to brew Cautus Liniment, Peeves aimed various heavy objects at his (heavily shielded) head, tried to destroy the entire Potions laboratory four times, and began a campaign to convince the ghosts that they were next on the chopping block.

The afternoon that the potion burbled and turned a vivid periwinkle was the first of the holiday break. Most of the students had left the castle. Conditions for application seemed promising.

Back in his quarters, he threw a dash of Floo powder into the fireplace, and waited for the green flames to spring up.

-

In the Headmistress's office, all staff present convened: Minerva, Filius, Pomona, Argus, Septima, and Severus himself. Severus gave each of them a small Self-Renewing Cauldron while Minerva and Argus discussed strategy.

"I can't believe this is finally happening," Pomona murmured.

Septima placed her hand on Pomona's shoulder. "It does feel strange. When everything's changed so much, since-" She fell silent.

"Well, I say 'good riddance.'" Argus scuffed his toe against the carpet. "Bad riddance, even. Terrible riddance. He goes or I go, this time, that's what I say."

"Let's begin," Minerva said, heading off Severus's declaration that he could abide no more of this prattle.

-

They smeared the sills of the windows, the lintels of the hearths, the jambs of the doors with the Cautus Liniment. It glowed faintly upon application before fading to a colorless and nearly imperceptible sheen. Though it was growing late and the work was onerous, the staff of Hogwarts worked steadily into the night.

The assault from their quarry was nearly as steady. Peeves turned the trophy room topsy-turvy and nearly crushed Filius beneath a marble bust of one of the early Headmasters. When the staff converged on the Great Hall around dawn, they were prepared for a confrontation.

-

Seven months later:

"Healer Granger," the Headmistress said, stepping through the fireplace into Hermione's office. "It's good to see you again, my dear."

Hermione looked up from her desk and smiled. "You look well yourself, Headmistress. And it's Hermione."

"Minerva, then." Minerva settled herself into the comfortable chair in front of Hermione's desk. "You've had a chance to review the parchment I sent over?"

"Yes. I haven't overseen a wizard pregnancy before, but I studied all of the literature when I was apprenticing. Surely Healer Thorn would be your first choice, though."

Minerva cleared her throat. "The circumstances around this pregnancy are… somewhat unusual."

-

When she began her apprenticeship at St. Mungo's, Hermione had intended to study curse reversal, a field that promised both work with patients and more abstract research. But during the two weeks she spent helping Healer Midwife Sarabeth Thorn, Hermione found that she greatly preferred delivering new babies to dealing with Dark Magic on a daily basis. It wasn't easy work, but it was almost always joyous.

Hermione Granger had spent her childhood fighting a war. She'd spend her adulthood welcoming new life into the world, thank you very much.

She delivered Harry and Ginny's son in her first year as a fully licensed Healer.

-

"Unusual?" Another smile tugged at Hermione's lips. "Well, I understand the circumstances tend to be somewhat-"

"It's Severus," Minerva said. "Severus Snape. Peeve's last prank."

After a decade as a midwife and women's Healer, Hermione was rarely surprised in her line of work. Still- " _Peeves_ is the father?"

"No, no." Minerva inhaled sharply. "It seems that… I am."

"My goodness," Hermione said. She looked down at the roll of parchment in front of her.

"There's a certain need for discretion. You see why I came to you."

-

Over the years since she'd left, Hermione had returned to Hogwarts several times. Something tightened in her chest when she Apparated in front of the Great Hall, and tears always pricked her eyes when she pressed her hand against its new wooden doors.

This time, she Flooed directly into the Infirmary. Poppy Pomfrey greated her with a warm embrace.

"I'm glad you've come to care for Severus," Poppy said. "I've done the best I can, but this is quite beyond my ken."

"Some of it's still theoretical to me," Hermione admitted, "but Healer Thorn trained me to handle any situation."

"Very reassuring," said a familiar voice.

-

"Hush," Poppy said.

Hermione turned to see Professor Snape sitting on a cot, his shoulders hunched. He was certainly in an advanced stage. She approached cautiously.

"Yes, Miss Granger, do get on with it," he said.

"Healer Granger," she said. "Let's start this off on the right foot, Professor. I'm no longer your student. I'm a professional, and I'm here to care for you and deliver your child. You'll treat me with respect, or you'll find someone else."

Snape sighed. "I'm under some stress, Healer Granger. Surely you understand."

She did.


End file.
